Mexican Salad

Hello everyone as usual its been awhile. Things have been pretty slow here in Skopje. From what I hear most of the people leave Skopje and travel to Ohrid during the summer to enjoy the beautiful lake and cooler temperatures. This of course leaves me with a problem of having no students. I enjoy having some free time but too much free time and no income can be a very bad combination. Thankfully there are some things coming up in the next month to take my mind off of having nothing to do. One of these is a friends wedding. His wedding is going to be in one of the regions of Macedonia that is known for making wine and rakija, obviously this will be an enjoyable time. As usual though I do have some complaints.

Sonja just recently had her wisdom teeth out. During the operation the the dentist injected her nerve with the anesthesia. This did make the side of her mouth numb while the surgery was happening but it also has left her tongue numb for the last few weeks. It was originally supposed to wear off after a day or two and since it has continued she has had to go back to ask about it. The first time the doctor just laughed at her and told her it will be fine in a few more days. It did not. So they had her sit in front of what can be best described as a red light at a house party. This light may actually help people out but it looks just like something I have seem many times in college. The dentist then told her that it will still be ok and if that doesnt work then it may be a little more serious than he thought, with a laugh. She has gone a few more times and still nothing so they moved her on to laser treatment. I have no clue what this is actually and when she asked the person working the machine three different times the best answer she said she got was "it does something and helps" The person working this machine also mentioned to her that this numbness could last a few months or even be permanent. This pissed her off. She confronted her doctor and asked him why he did not tell her this originally and thanked him for his craftsmanship. He again laughed at her and told her to relax. If any of you have met Sonja, this was not a good idea. So after all this time her tongue is still numb and waiting for feeling to come back. 

Just a little of what has been going on this last month

Drinking Beer with a 5 yr old

Hey party peoples, as usual I have not written on here and I am sorry for that. (from the bottom of my heart) but I want to correct that and show you some things that I actually have been doing these last few months here. I write for a local magazine and have even had two of my writings "published" I will say published because it makes me sound much cooler than I am. Really these are just my idea on the subject of sex which they asked me to write about. Now I will take this time to apologize to my family.... ok I feel better now. On with the show.

This is my observation on relationships in Macedonia. They are for the most part fucked up, not everyones just a lot of them.

Relationships

“Its not cheating if you are fucking, its only cheating if you are making love.” “I get bored of her and need to find a new girl, but in the morning I still love my girlfriend.” These are things men have told me here in Skopje. Guys who I considered good and who I respected them as my friend. Most people who are in relationships love their boyfriend or girlfriend very much, so much that they want to have sex with other people on a regular basis. It seems that in most relationships, there is something missing.

 

To be in a relationship means you can make that person feel like the only one in the world or it means you can make them feel hurt more than anyone else in the world. Basically you have that power.

 

To love is to trust, to care and to want. Most of the same people who told me these things about cheating on their girl also told me that if their girl cheated on them it would crush them. This is the power that love has over people and when people play with love they tarnish the things they say. To say you love and to be in love are two different things. Ask someone who is truly in love and they can tell you this.

 

This is not about telling you to not have sex. Sex is fun, it is better than any day to day activity in comparison. There is a reason why we all enjoy it so much and a reason why the people who are not getting it, want it so bad. But the truth is, with sex comes responsibility. The responsibility to be safe, I will not even mention STD’s because anyone with common sense knows about them. It is the responsibility to think about who and why you are having sex. I will say again, sex is fun. But is sex really fun with someone who is just using you? Someone who only cares about you for that one night or a few nights out of a month?

 

A lot of people use the words sex and love together, but they are two different things. All of this comes down to respect. Not respecting others, but having respect for yourself to think about why you are in this reverse cowgirl position. 

Now this was another one that I did just recently. It is about open relationships, the magazine asked me to write about open relationships so I went with the most stereotypical ideas that I could

Open Relationships 

 

What is a relationship status? According to facebook, it is what and how you are connected to another person you may be in a relationship with. This seems like a difficult concept or maybe its something easy, that networking sites like facebook are making complicated. Maybe facebook has tried to simplify it all by adding the “its complicated” option to their list of choices. However being in an “open relationship” brings up more questions.

 

In the most basic way, an open relationship can be defined as caring about someone enough that if you HAD to be with one person and one person only, they would be that person. This does not mean that they don’t care about each or love each other. Remember this is a complicated subject.

 

Some people are in regular relationships that are forced into open relationships because of distance, ideals or a hyperactive sex drive that one person alone cannot satisfy. Because of this there may be an understanding between the couple that they do care about each other, but they are still not ready to settle down completely.

 

Open relationships that are created because of distance are some of the hardest to maintain. Usually these are the kind that if the two were living nearer, they would be exclusive to the other. Since there is such a distance however, they are secure in their feelings enough to allow the other to bang whomever they would like. It’s the understanding that making each other hold back from enjoying some sexual gratification isn’t fair that makes these relationships so special.

 

Some people really just don’t feel that they need to be tied down to a boyfriend or girlfriend. I wont classify this group as a swinger because that will be addressed next. This type of relationship usually has one of the partners want a real relationship and the other isn’t ready. A friend once said to me that he was in an open relationship and he can be with whomever he wants, but his girlfriend is going to get pissed at him. A lot of times these kinds of relationships deteriorate or finally become “regular” relationships after the final few flings have happened.

 

The final kind of open relationship is the “swinger” open relationship. This is not a bad thing at all. The couple knows that they care about each other. They know that they want to sleep with the other person and what the hell, why not sleep with a few other people along the way. These sorts of relationships require a lot of feelings and a lot of understand. Some people may think that the couple doesn’t really care about each other, but why then would they care enough to say they are in a relationship. If they didn’t have an emotional attachment they would just be fuck buddies.

 

These are not all the reasons people are in open relationships because as mentioned earlier, this topic is just too complicated to explain. However these are some very stereotypical, extremely vague and possibly biased reasons why people are in open relationships. When all is said and done though, the bottom line is that the couple have enough emotional attachment that they care enough to change their information in their profile from single to an open relationship and they don’t have to explain that to anyone. They seem happy enough. (and this is probably because they can get some ass whenever they want)  

To conclude, that is me at a friends roaring 20's birthday party. I looked very much like a little german boy. 

Cao Family

My mom and uncle came to visit me this past 10 days. I have to say before they came I made myself extremely stressed without actually realizing it. It could be because I chose to live in this place instead of back home nearer to my family. Once they got here everything went away and I had an amazing time. The first night consisted of a lot of grilled meat and alcohol. Actually this can sum up the entire trip that we had. Skara and Skopso... I want to open up a restaurant under this name. Anyways, I miss my family more than I thought I could. Skype is such a beautiful tool that I think I have even given it props in an earlier post. With Skype I get to see my family but that never makes up for being able to cheers with them or give them a hug when I want. There was a strange feeling when my mom and uncle were here. The term being in a cloud has been used by many people but when they were here I felt like I was in a dream world. Macedonia, my life now and where I have lived for the past 8 months and my family who I havent seen for just as long. It was strange watching my mom buy stuff from the local kiosk that I go to. To see my uncle say fala to the waitress after we get a beer. It just never seemed real the whole time. Im looking back at these pics and already missing you guys, I havent heard if you made the plane but I am sure you did. By the way welcome to Macedonia for the flight cancelation. I just figured it had to happen eventually but I hope it all turned out. 

Now on to some stories about what happened while you were here. We got lost in Pelister National Park. Like really lost. Sure we could have been fine after a few more hours but we were on a little used path no where near where we needed to be. If we continued like that we would have ended up bloodier than we already were and then we would have had to hunt for food sooner than later. It was awkward walking into a 5 star hotel where everyone was wearing 3 piece suits and you are bloody, sweaty and very muddy. The nice thing about Macedonia is that they still gave us free drinks and welcomed us like we were honored guests.

We got invited into a random families house for homemade rakija. They did not know us, they did not speak english at all. This is a normal occurrence here.

Ohrid is beautiful. You can walk around the cobblestone roads and find a church anywhere. I enjoyed watching people stair at my mom like she is crazy because she was wearing sandals. 

While walking the streets and passing older people, the look on their faces when the stare past us because we are speaking english and then to say dobar den to them and they actually jump from not expecting it is priceless. I loved watching how peoples faces change from indifference to pure joy so quickly.

The kids that try and steal money from you love my uncle, so much they have swarmed him twice now. He didnt like it and made sure they knew it the 2nd time.

The trail along Matka does not lead you to the cave, but it is a beautiful hike with some tricky places to navigate. 

I miss my family and want to be with you all very much. I will be there soon enough but I know for my mom and dad this will still not be that soon. I love you all.

Riding on borrowed time

I have just bought a bike. This excites me very much because riding a bike is not only fun, but it makes my commute much shorter... or so I thought. In the trip from my apartment to my work I have to hop at least 5 curbs before I even make it to the halfway point, which is the city center. Once I get here things tend to slow down because I have to navigate through the previously mentioned "drunk walking people" that move all over the place except for a straight line. After I find my way out of the center then I encounter the parking lots. Now I do not actually mean there are parking lots that I have to cut through. What I mean is that the sidewalks here are just used as parking lots. I have always noticed this but eventually it became second nature as I am walking to go past them, it was easy. On a bike when you are trying to get from one side to the other and 4 cars are parked in a way and the only way to get past them is going around the entire thing, it sucks. Cars park in a weird maze kind of way that usually blocks at least one of the drivers in but as long as you can get out who cares neli? It is very dissappointing that in most cases I have to actually get out onto the street to find any room to ride my bike and because of this I then have to deal with Macedonian drivers. Macedonian drivers are fucking horrible. Im sorry for the foul language but you can ask any Macedonian and that is one of the first things they will agree with. If any of you can remember seeing the very first fast and the furious movie? Do you remember coming out of the theater and how every single person felt they needed to drive as fast as they can and swerve back and forth? That will give you a very good representation of how the drivers are here. They swerve back and forth through lanes at pretty high speeds for no other reason than they think its fun. This leads me to another point. Yesterday while walking around a government official and his police convoy drove past me. This happens quite often actually. Some tinted out Benz's or BMW's will have their sirens blaring and go speeding past you and what can only be said an extremely dangerous speed in the city of Skopje. If any Des Moines Police officer was caught going this speed for any other reason than an actually emergency, they would be fired. Thats how fast they are going. So my friend told me they have to do this because they work for the government and they need to take care of important things. Skopje is not a large city. To get from the center to the edge of the city may take 10 mins if there is heavy traffic. Usually it takes 5 mins by car and thats it. These guys are just going so fast because they can it seems and its interesting when I tell you this next part. So my friend told me that they have the police escort them everywhere now because driving that fast is dangerous so the escort helps. Another reason why they have the escort now is because the first president of Macedonia was horrible injured in an accident driving those speeds. So to sum up, the drivers are crazy, the politicians drive at ridiculous speeds even though the first president was nearly killed doing the same thing and finally all the sidewalks are just parking spots.

The changing weather...

I really believe that Macedonians are a fickle people. A lot of things have happened in the last few days that I will cover briefly but in no great detail, because my friends know more about them than myself. I will say this tho, the weather is changing and it is changing Macedonians. During the winter this place seemed cold and sad. It did not help that Skopje was hit with some very cold and shitty weather. However it just seemed like people were too bundled up in their houses and their clothes when they left. Being outside was still common for people but they hated it and you could see it. Now the weather is beginning to get extremely nice, I am talking 70 degrees for this last week. Because of this there is a huge flux of people getting out and doing something. All the local coffee shops are opening up their outdoor areas. These areas are very different from what we are used to back home and my family will see when they come here. Here it is expected that you sit outside so you can see the people and see how everyone is dressed. If you face your back to the street people may look at you different and most places are actually set up so that no one has to have their back to the street. These outside chairs are very different than the outside chairs we have back home, the atmosphere is just different. People want to be outside now. It is funny too because the nicer the weather gets the more people want to show themselves off. Today while walking to work I noticed a girl that was wearing an outfit that I have only seen girls where on Halloween back home when they are trying to be a sexy nurse. But more than the way people dress, it is the way people act. It seems Macedonians were a people made to be in the sun. People are happier, cherrier and more outgoing now. This is hard to do because Macedonians are some of the nicest people you can meet. Think midwesterners but Macedonians will not only talk and be friendly but then they will invite you in their house to have coffee and maybe offer you their daughter... ok that last part was on rare occassions but seriously it seems to be confectious. (Dont know if thats a real word or correct spelling) The weather seems to be making Macedonia happier and it didnt really need it.

For my friends

Hey everyone, it has been awhile. It's weird to think sometimes how far away I am from all of you. Thanks to the internet I it feels like you are all right down the street and we can hang out whenever we want. I realize though how far the distance really is whenever I do go out and honestly, I miss you. I miss freshman year when our group of friends would get together almost every night and figure out something to do, either being watching a movie in Jay and Bobbys room or drinking and Scott and Tones house. From sophomore year when we would always be partying at Travis and Jeffs house on 2nd street with Rusty in the attic or I would mosey on up to Schmeltz and Dgraffs original place up the ally way. Bobby I miss living with you in that sweet ass apartment that we had together. Seriously I dont know how two college students could find such a sweet location. That year I believe was the most I have ever partied and had so many friends come over in two semesters. To all the people staying over on our couches and the countless games of beerpong played on the table we stole from Kelly and Kayles place. (22 in a row and still champs!- Devin and Myself) To my senior year which we lucked out just as much and fell into Devins place on main. Living with all of you, Kayle, Bob, Mike, Enz, Trent and Cam was a blast. I never may have known as much of you as well as I should have but we had a good time even so. From making forts in the front room and getting scared of ghosts to trying not to get the crazy neighbors to call on us, it was fun. That year we spent a lot of time at Travis, Jay and Tones. You guys had a great place and Jay I am sorry for slapping you in the ear. I couldnt see at the time and swung for the fences, I am sorry. That year I think there was a group of 16 of us that went out together almost every night. If one of us went out it seemed like all of us did. Amanda, Kelsey, Ali, Nikky, Erin, LC, Jay, Tones, Scott, Lyndsy, Bob, Kayle, kelly, Enz, Jason, Dan (We need to talk) Lainey Bug, Kenny, all of you. I know I didnt put all of your names but you are all in my thoughts. Seriously. Brad and Cole, I miss growing up with you B-Rad. We spent a lot of time trying to figure out what exactly the fuck we were going to do and it usually ended up being nothing much. We werent the most creative people but we had fun anyways. Andy, Schmeltz, Tom, Dgraff, Rapp and all the rest of you. I had some of the best times of my life these last few years with you all. The truth is I miss you, I think of that fact that we will never have those moments again. Being able to enjoy each others companies as freely as we did in the past. I want you to know that I miss those times and I miss you all. Thanks for being my friends. 

- "one love"

11.03.09

A roma kid just punched, then kicked me in the back.

My first Haircut

23.02.09

I wanted to write about what happened to me when I got my haircut. It was the first time here in MK that I did get it done and it did not disappoint. So I go into the place that is right outside my apartment on the way to the store. When I walk in I realize that I am in trouble because none of them speak English. The girl that is cutting hair is about my age and a 30 something year old is sitting there doing some other ladies nails. Another lady who is obviously their friend is sitting on the couch with her little girl. So I try to explain that I want a haircut and they tell me to come back in a little bit. When I get back the 30 something year old starts speaking some English with me and I speak a few words of Macedonian to explain what I want. My skills are still pretty horrible so it wasn’t pretty. As the girl is washing my hair the lady asks if I like the women here in MK and I respond “Yes of course, they are all beautiful” I figure in this situation the best plan of attack would be flattery. On the trip from the wash to the seat I notice that the girl cutting my hair has undone the bottom button on her uniform, revealing her stomach and bellybutton. I found this kinda odd since I didn’t remember it being undone before. So she begins to cut my hair and I try to explain short on the sides and a bit longer on top. As shes cutting my sides he turns my head to face her chest and that’s when I realize she has undone another button as well. The second button from the top of her uniform is now undone showing off her lacy black undergarment underneath. I was going to chalk the bellybutton button to coincidence, but after this I realize she may be doing it on purpose. So the haircut goes on and she continually forces my face to one side or the other, the side that she happens to be standing on. I get what Bevis and Butthead called “Shoulder Boob” a few times and a even few times on the back of my head for good measure. After she was done I thanked her, paid my money and tried to explain that I didn’t need her to wash my hair again because I was going to take a shower, but she thought I was telling her my name. All in all it was an interesting experience.

Snow white and the 7 dwarfs

Today I went to Veles. It is a little town about a half an hour away from Skopje. There really isnt anything there that people go see except the main street and possibly the river that runs through the center of town. But this is not why I am writing today. As Sonja and I were waiting to come back to Skopje, we sat in the deserted, dirty, creepy, waiting room. Mostly we sat there or looked at the stupid things people have written on the walls over the years. After a bit, in walks this old, old lady with a cane as large as her, dressed all in black. She has on a hood over the top of her head and everything. Sonja turns to me and says "these are the kinds of people that scare me" I just gave the lady a cursory glance at first and after she said this I looked back. If they were ever going to make a live action movie for snow white, this lady would be the perfect evil witch. You know the one who makes the poison apple? Not only did she walk in with the walking stick and the hood, but she was muttering to herself the whole time. Just now I looked this up from the movie on Youtube and she even is muttering in it too! So there we are sitting in this dark, empty room with the evil witch from snow white. The best part has yet to come tho as I keep stealing glances in her direction, getting ready for her to turn me into a frog, when I notice something on her face. As most of you know, I usually have a beard. Sometimes this beard can get to be pretty long and gnarly. This lady had a perfect light grey goatee from one end of her chin to the other. It looked like she shaved the rest of her face and left this bad boy to shine. Truthfully I was a bit jealous. Bobby, if you are reading this I am sorry but you will never be able to grow facial hair like this old lady. I dont think I can even grow a beard as magnificent as this. We sat there a bit longer and then the train finally came and we got out of there quick. I kept trying to figure out how I could have gotten a picture of her but she probably wouldn't have showed up in the photo anyways. 

Work

So whats new in my life... I just got a job last month and have been working like crazy ever since. Now I have 12 classes a day. My first class is at 8 am. This means I wake up at 7 to shower, brush my teeth and then I start walking for work. Thankfully my first student is a HUGE bundle of energy. Hes this 40 something spanish guy who is very excited about learning english. It really helps. I have class with him until 9:40 then get a 20 min break and have my group at 10:00. My group consists of 5 friends who work for the same company. They are all about 30 something and know english about as well as any other Macedonian I know. Class with these students are basically me having conversation with them and trying to teach them a bit about business. Its hard when business culture here is so vastly different from back home. I like the forwardness and straight to business approach that Macedonians had and I loved the responses that I got from them when I had to explain the "niceties" of asking how the family is our about the sports teams before business. Another thing with the culture is the idea that people who are excited to tackle a job here are considered morons and ass kissers, while back home if you dont show excitement you wont get the job. Needless to say these conversations can lead to some pretty interesting things being said. They are all good friends so talking shit on the other people is not out of the question for them, especially when we had 6 chapters on negotiations. Sometimes it gets difficult to control but for the most part it is a blast. 

So I have this group until 1:40 and have another 20min break until 2 when I have my last student of the day. She is one of the coworkers of my previous group who is just a little lower level than they are. I feel bad for her because she has to be stuck with me until 5:40. I am pretty tired by this part of the day but I usually drink enough coffee to keep me wired. As some of you know when I have a lot of sugar I can get pretty annoying. Like I said, I feel sorry for her. 

Once I am done at 5:40 I take the 30 min walk home and then eat. Look at the stuff I have to teach for the next day. Check facebook and then sleep. 

I have gotten to be pretty boring here.

we are better in the midwest?

On my 40 min walks to work I have a lot of time to think about random things. A lot of the time it has nothing to do with anything and I just phase in and out, but sometimes my thoughts have something interesting in them. I was thinking about something my friend mentioned to me and then I have confirmed on facebook. Almost every American I know here, Fullbright, Peacecorps or teacher is from the midwest. I know people from Illinois, a few from Indiana, Wisconsin, Minnesota and Michigan. I make up another of the Big Ten (sports reference) being from Iowa. I wonder if there is some correlation to all this, how people from the midwest really do care more? Maybe we actually do more than say we just want to help and we get out there and actually do try. This is probably just me boasting a bit about being from the midwest and having a small sample size to back up my statement, but it feels good. Its humorous that all the people from the coasts are "hip and modern" and usually more "politically involved" I say though, where are you? Are you back home right now working on America? Well I will say this, since I left the place you sure did let it all go to hell. Thats another biased comment with no facts to back it up but you cant say anything about it. Unless you read this, comment on it and then I will delete it... so ha ha I win. Anyways I was just thinking about this on the way to work today and it is very humorous that every American I meet here is almost always from the middle of America.

first day of work

Today was my first day of work. It went much better than I anticipated. Admittedly I was assuming that my students would be old business owners who did not want to speak freely and would look at me in contempt. Thankfully my entire class was late 20 to 30 somethings that were all very polite, knew what I was talking about and the entire class was more of a conversation. This put me a little at ease and we ended up having a good time. Hopefully they are learning some of the material that I am trying to teach. The company I work for has its own teaching style and an outline of what I am supposed to teach. We are told to deviate to make the material based more about them and I tried to do that. Anyways all the students skills in english seem a little above what the material is that I am trying to teach, but o well it is still helping them. 

other than that nothing new has been going on here. I have my apartment to myself this last week since my new roommate is out of the country and the old one finally moved out. The funny thing about my old roommate moving out was that the night before he brought a bunch of people over to drink at smoke at like 4 in the morning and then they stayed to 6ish. At the time I was pissed but I kept telling myself that he was leaving and I could handle one more night. Anyways the next morning he wakes me up early and thanks to the girl that stayed over with him, he had a lot of his stuff packed up. Now I found it funny that the girl helping him move his stuff out knew we were moving it to his girlfriends place. I must give the guy credit that he had this girl, who he sleeps with regularly, help him move his stuff to his girlfriends place.